so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
