Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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