Can i not drive my cunt home
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Randomize
