I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Say something about gay babies.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
