I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
