It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
