You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
