I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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