To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
