My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
