Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
