we made out on top of his cat.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
