This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
