After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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