I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
