I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
