Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
