there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
