whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
