just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
