just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
