so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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