Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
