Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
