Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
it's great music for shaving your balls
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Randomize
