my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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