You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
