You're my little dorito
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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