I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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