I think im going to throw up on grandma
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
