The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
