Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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