JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize