Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
