The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
