I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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