OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Farmville is her only friend.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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