I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize