I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
