dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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