i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize