I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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