Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.

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(630): View more from Illinois

You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".

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(513): View more from Ohio

Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.

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(360): View more from Washington

you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.

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(406): View more from Montana

I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.

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(863): View more from Florida

Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.

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(850): View more from Florida

I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.

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