A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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