I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
