people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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