i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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