I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
