I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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