I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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