So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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