Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
