her vagine was all disorganized.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
