there's paper in my vomit.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize