that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Vodka?
Forever.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
