I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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