i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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