is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
my poor anus
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
