the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
