3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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