If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
If I die, sorry about rent.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
