I could make wine with my vomit
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
