Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
