Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize