hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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