i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
