I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
