you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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