We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
