I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
