Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
FUCK WHALES
Randomize