and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We are all done wearing pants today
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
