I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
