I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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