Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
